Staying Sane as a Stay at Home Mom

Being a stay at home mom is wonderful, amazing, and challenging!  Especially for a first time mom.  I went from running a business, putting in 80+ hours a week, being on call 24 hours a day, overseeing an entire staff, to running a household and caring for a life.  I was so scared that I would mess up! 

I started out confident (thanks to my long hours of researching everything there was to know about caring for a newborn).  I breastfed her at the recommended times for the recommended duration, kept a log of her feedings and diaper changes (ya, I know, a little much but it made the doctor's day when he asked what her schedule was and I just handed him my notebook).  I did everything "by the book" so to speak.  But there was one thing I didn't count on: every child is different.  So when we went to her 3 month checkup and found out that the doctor wasn't happy with her weight gain rate, my confidence went right out the window.  When you are breastfeeding a child and are her only foodsource, there is no more painful thing to hear than you aren't good enough.  After getting some blood work done to make sure she was okay we had to start integrating formula into her diet.  Then she finally started gaining weight.  She was fine.  I wasn't.  Confidence completely shattered I became scared.  Those books and advice that i had been following so closely, I now felt I couldn't rely on.

How do you move on?  Well, take it day by day, do the best you can, and pray that everything will work out.

There are days that are pure bliss, when naps go smoothly, lots of playing and laughing, and full of photo perfect moments.  Then there are the days when it seems that nothing is going right.  When instead of feeding your baby sweet potatoes you end up wearing them.  When nothing you do seems to make your baby happy.  When it feels like everything is spiraling out of control and you end up crying with your baby, sharing in your child's frustration.  What a bonding moment.

So how do I get through the day without pulling all my hair out?  I sew.

Yep, that's right.  I sew.  Thanks to some help from my mom, I picked it up fairly quickly and starting making dresses, pants, jumpers, anything I could get my hands on.  I became obsessed with fabric and built up quite a stash for whenever the sewing bug hit me.  Why sewing?  The answer is simple.  In sewing, you can control everything!  You control every stitch from start to finish.  And if you make a mistake, you take out the stitches and you can fix it.  When you are finished you have a beautiful piece of work that you can be proud of and know is done right.  So when it feels like everything is spiraling out of control, I sew and get back some confidence that I can do something right.

This is the first project I completed.  I love the pleats!  Its way too big for her, but she will grow into it.

Sewing my not be the answer for everyone, but the point is get a hobby.  Get something that you can do well that you enjoy.  It will give you time to clear your head and hit the reset button so to speak.  Then you are in a better frame of mind to care for your little one and turn a bad day into a great day.

We just celebrated her first birthday.  There were times when I didn't think I'd make it that far with my sanity intact.  Here's to you baby girl and to many more wonderful years ahead.

If you are interested in sewing, this is a great blog to follow.  I call her Super Mom!  She makes sewing simple, offers tips, tricks, and even tutorials on projects.  I get a ton of inspiration from her posts.  You can see her blog here.

Thrifty Tips for Thrifty Moms

Babies can be expensive!  But there are many ways that you can cut down on some of the costs.  Here are a few of the staples I use to stay within my budget.

1.  Diapers.  Oh my goodness!  I find it hard to believe that something that is going to catch poop and be thrown away can be so pricey!  Good news, it doesn't have to be.  There are two options when it comes to diapers.  You can buy cloth diapers, which will require an initial investment to build up your stock, but then you will never have to buy diapers again, just lots of laundry.  Or if you are going to go the disposable route, you can purchase on off brand.  Pampers and Huggies are great, but they are very costly.  We use Parent's Choice diapers (Walmart's brand).  They are fantastic!  Sure, they don't have Elmo on them, but they catch the pee and poop and don't leak.  Plus, a jumbo box is only $13.77 (which sure beats $25-$40 for the other brands...).

2. Child consignment stores.  These are a necessity to me.  You can get previously owned toys, lightly used clothes, and everything else you can think of that is baby related.  One of my favorites is Once Upon a Child.  Word to the wise though, anything you purchase, make sure you wash it (clothes) and disinfect if toys or bedding.  NEVER buy a childs car seat from a consignment store (you never know if it has been in an accident and damaged) and always check if the item has been recalled (this includes clothing).  Consignment shopping is a great way to save money.  For $20 I usually walk out with two huge bags full of stuff.

3.  Make your own baby food.  If you have the time and the will you can make your own baby food.  You just need a food processor (or blender) and some common sense.  If making veggies, ALWAYS wash and cook the veggies first to sterilize them and make them safe for your baby.  They make food processors specifically for this (Baby Bullet for example) but a regular processor will work just fine.  A great source for tips on making your own baby food can be found at babycenter.com.

4.  Make your own books and toys.  One of my daughter's favorite things is a book my mom made her.  She cut pictures out of magazines and put them into a photo album (one of the big ones with the sticky pages).  They are amazing.  She loves looking at the pictures, turning the pages.  And the best part, its drool proof, and rip proof.  She can beat it up and it keeps on ticking.  This is also a great way to store recipes.  If you get food on it, you can just wipe it off rather than it staining the paper.  We also made our own rattles.  She loves anything that makes noise.  So we took an empty 20 oz bottle, put some cheerios in it, put the top back on and voi la!  Instant rattle! 

5. Cut coupons.  Coupons are a great way to save you some money.  You can clip them out of the paper or go to coupons.com to print them.  You can also save with Walmart's Ad Match.  Bring in any ad and they will match the price.  That way you don't have to go to several stores just to hit all the deals.  But remember to bring the ad because they won't match it unless they can see it advertised.

That's it for now.  The little one is starting to stir so my "me" time is coming to an end.  Do you have anything that can be added to the list?  Leave a comment with your money saving tips.

What Does a Contraction Feel Like?

I remember spending hours searching books, websites, and asking friends what exactly a contraction feels like.  After reading countless tales, I came up with the same answer: every woman is different and therefore feels contractions, or labor pains, differently.  I tried asking my mother to explain it to me, and she couldn't.  She tried several times, but her best answer was "you will know it when you feel it".

Well, as a first time preggo, let me tell you, I did NOT know it when I felt it.  So every weird movement, every pain, and every little bit of discomfort that I got from my 8th month on, I sat and thought to myself, is that it?  Was that a contraction?  Looking back on it now I laugh at myself.  But in the moment, even though I had read as much as I could on the subject, I still had no idea what to expect.  Some women say it is excruciatingly painful.  Others say its just a little discomfort, that your tummy hardens at the top and moves downward.  For someone that had never experienced it, that did not clear it up any for me.

The icing on the cake was when I would go to the doctors office for a fetal monitoring appointment and the nurses would point to one of the spikes and say "oooh, look at that one.  That contraction had to hurt!"  Unfortunately, I didn't feel anything.  I told them so and was given the response that I should count myself lucky.  Um, ok.  I guess.

So, here's what they felt like for me when I finally started going into labor.  You know when you would try to put on a pair of jeans that were just a little too snug and you'd have to suck in your tummy to put them on?  THAT is what it feels like.  Only you aren't sucking in your tummy, its doing it all by itself.  When I called my mother to explain what was going on, she clapped her hands and said YES!  That's exactly what it feels like. 

I started timing them, and called my substitute doctor's office (that is a funny story that will be explained in another post).  The woman who answered asked what was going on and then told me to go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY!  Her exact words were "hang up the phone and go NOW, I will have the doctor meet you there".  I went from calm to slightly panicked at warp speed.

I'm beginning to ramble.  Basically that is what a contraction felt like for me.  Care to share what yours felt like? 

For the Hubbys

I recently had a new dad comment on one of my posts.  Its so wonderful to see men taking an interest into what their spouse is going through during (and after) pregnancy.  So, this one is for you.

After nine long months of anticipation, patience, foot rubs, patience, late night journeys to the store to settle those weird cravings, and oh did I mention patience, your bundle of joy finally arrives.  And now the test for your patience really begins. 

Now, every woman is different, but my biggest challenge with my husband came after the baby arrived.  Yep, you guessed it, problems in the bedroom.  For the first few months, we kept the baby in our bedroom in her bassinet, that way we were right there for late night feedings, singing, rocking, and walking every few hours when she needed comfort.  The rule of thumb: sleep when the baby sleeps.  Its no joke.  If you don't try to get your wife to nap when the baby naps (especially if she is breastfeeding) then she will not get any sleep.  No sleep means cranky, on steroids, times four. 

Because of the lack of sleep, and the learning curve of being a new mother, all focus was on the baby.  When she finally graduated to the crib, my husband spoke up about being neglected.  My response, a slap to the forehead (my forehead of course).  I started trying to give him the "attention" that he needed (me too as it was always a good stress reliever for me) and found that everything had changed.  And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!  Luckily I ended up having a c-section.  But even with that, it was still different.

First off, I was never in the mood.  Never.  I was all about the baby.  I was Mommy.  Mommy is food (I breast fed).  Those wonderful boobs that he loved to play with were a food source, and therefore were off limits.  Mommy is the changer of diapers, the lullaby singing woman who jumps at every noise just to make sure the baby is okay.  Mommy is not sexy.  At least, that is how I felt.

Second, everything felt different.  Not only did it take a while for my body to get in the mood, but once there it felt, well, different.  Sometimes it would hurt a little, others it would be fine.  But it would take me a looooooong time to "finish".  And when I finally would, it was different than it was before the baby.  Like I said, everything was different.  It might feel different to you too (especially if your wife had a natural birth).  We had to relearn everything!  What used to work in the past, no longer worked.  What used to feel good, didn't anymore.

I would try so hard to make it happen.  In my mind I wanted to have sex, but my body wouldn't cooperate.  It was so frustrating!  Know that you aren't the only one who is frustrated.  In the end, and after many long conversations trying to get him to understand, we compromised.  It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to him.  It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore.  I was just in what I call "Mommy Mode".  Mommy doesn't feel sexy.  So it takes some work to get back into "Wife Mode".

So Hubbys, if you are going through the same thing and you are feeling neglected by your wife, please be patient.  This too shall pass.  She still loves you.  She still wants you.  She still needs you.  And if she needs to be reminded of that, speak up!  Sure she might bite your head off and feed it to the crocodiles (only a slight exaggeration), but communication is SO SO SO important in a relationship.  She might not even realize that you are being neglected.  She might be stuck in "Mommy Mode".

What worked for me to overcome this rut and switch over to "Wife Mode"?  I am so glad you asked!  After the baby's evening meal, when I put her to bed and she finally went to sleep, I would go take a shower.  I nice long hot shower!  Alone.  This is very important.  I would use the hot water to wash away "Mommy".  When finished, I would get dressed.  Also, very important.  Didn't matter what, could be jeans and a t-shirt, or a lacy something or other (none of mine fit anymore so it was usually jeans and a t-shirt for me).  Then I would go find my hubby.  We would sit and talk for a bit, sometimes about the baby, sometimes about other things, or we would watch tv for a while and snuggle.  Then, presto, my body finally catches up to my mind and he gets attacked.  Granted, foreplay became very important as my body was no longer ready with the snap of my fingers, but we still made it work.  Quickies became the norm, because you never knew when the baby would cry.  And once that cry came over the baby monitor, "Mommy Mode" was back in full swing.

It can be tough to deal with sometimes.  But trust me, the first time your bundle of joy laughs, says "Da-da", reaches for you, gives you a kiss....it makes it all worth it.  So be patient and know that everything will be okay.  Oh, and give your wife LOTS of back and foot rubs!  It can sometimes be a great beginning to some "attention". 

I hope this post was helpful to you.  If you have any questions, I would be happy to help you delve into the great unknown: the woman's psyche!

Things I Miss Since I've Become Pregnant

Since I’ve become pregnant, there are things that I miss.  Especially now that I am 36 weeks and 2 days along, the longing for some of these things has become more prevalent.  Things I miss:

1. Wearing blue jeans.  Sure, they have maternity jeans.  But unfortunately the current style is “skinny jeans”, which is kind of an oxymoron when it comes to pregnant women.  The last thing I want is a pair of maternity jeans that are skin tight.  I have enough weight pushing on my bladder without having to worry about my pants adding to it every time I sit down.

2. My feet.  When standing, they no longer exist.  The only time I can see them is when I’m sitting and I have my feet up.  Even then, the sight of them all swollen is enough to make me cringe.  The only shoes I can wear are flip flops.  Yes, they are the perfect shoe choice for Florida.  But you have to be extremely careful when walking across any slick surface as flip flops have no traction or grip whatsoever.  And when it comes to shaving my legs (because lets face it, we feel bad enough we don't need to add hairy legs to it) I suddenly become a yoga master who can contort her body in lots of nifty ways so I can reach my legs without smooshing the belly.  Never even took one yoga class.  Go me!

3. Sleep.  Seven hours of uninterrupted sleep to be exact.  I can’t even remember the last time I was able to sleep through the night without having to get up to go pee, or having to roll over to try to lessen the constant kicking and pushing going on inside my belly.

4. Enjoying the mirror.  Looking in the mirror without thinking I would fit right in with the fat cows that shop at Walmart.  Anyone who shops at Walmart on a regular basis knows what I mean.  They are the people you see on the motorized scooter, which you can barely see under their massive butt, that are always wearing either sweat pants (preferably) or leopard print tights (ewww!).  Sure, when I look in the mirror, I always look at the belly first and am ecstatic at the sight of how large and round my belly is, amazed that there is a person growing inside there.  Then I look at my thighs, my feet, my butt, my face, and the depression sets in.

5. Pretty underwear.  It doesn't exist for pregnant women.  If you know where to get some, PLEASE tell me! You try finding a size 10 lacy anything that will look good.  See previous bullet point.

6. Going out to eat and being able to sit in a booth.  Nothing makes you lose your appetite faster than having to be relocated a few times just to find somewhere you will fit.  Most often you end up with a very hard, very uncomfortable chair being pulled up to the table which does me no good since I can’t lean forward far enough to eat over my plate.  Good thing I have these huge boobs and huge belly to catch all the food that I drop because my swollen hands are too clumsy to get the food to my mouth without making a mess.

7. My wedding rings.  It seems like my hands were the first thing to swell up.  I haven’t been able to wear my wedding rings since the end of my first trimester.

8. My kitchen.  Yes, I still spend time in the kitchen, but it is far from enjoyable.  When cooking I have to make sure I am standing with my hip pointed at the stove or I burn my belly.  When doing dishes, I have to hunch over to reach into the sink.  Getting pots or pans from the bottom cupboard is next to impossible.  By the time I’m done doing anything in the kitchen my lower back hurts so much that I am useless for the rest of the day.

9. Bladder control. Being able to laugh hysterically, or cough, or sneeze without peeing myself.  You would think that going to the bathroom every ten minutes would be enough to prevent this, but sadly no.

10. Fun in the bedroom.  There is only so much you can do when you have a belly as big as mine.  Enough said.

11. Control over my emotions.  Nothing says hormonal like bursting into tears because you dropped something on the floor.

12. Sleeping in the same bed with my husband.  A queen size bed will comfortably fit only one body pillow and one pregnant woman, leaving just enough room for me to toss and turn all night.

I’m sure there is more, and I may even come back and add on to this list as I think of them, but these are the things that immediately come to mind.

Now, on a more positive note, here are the things that I LOVE about being pregnant:

Everything.  Sure I may whine and moan and complain and be a royal pain in the butt sometimes.  But deep down, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Do you have any items you would like to add to the list? Leave a comment with the things that you miss from before you were pregnant.

Words of Wisdom for New Mothers-to-Be

Being pregnant is such an amazing experience!  It should be thoroughly enjoyed.  All of it (including the crabby, bloated, painful, hormonal, crying, horrible, hard parts).  Even though sometimes it may seem like it will never end, it is over before you know it.

Being a person who looks at the world in a logical way, I started doing my research so I could get an idea of what to expect.  After reading books, blogs, and getting advice from friends and family, I felt fairly confident about my pregnancy...

That is until reality set in.  Take it from me, no matter how much research you do, it is impossible to prepare for what lies ahead.  If you are going to do research, do so with a thick skin.  Most of it scared the crap out of me, raising my already high stress level to new heights.

At the beginning of my pregnancy I would have described myself as strong, confident, completely in control of myself and my surroundings.  That goes right out the window.  You will recognize it when you find yourself crying at the commercials on TV.

Also, no matter how headstrong you might be, learn to accept help.  Accepting help from someone is not a sign of weakness and will save you tremendous backache down the road (especially when you are 8 months pregnant).

Take lots of naps, as many as you can get.  Once the baby arrives you will go almost a whole month without sleeping (especially if it is your first).  Even after that, getting a full nights sleep is something we can only day dream for at least the first 6 months to a year.

Go out on dates with your hubby.  Get a pedicure.  Get your hair done.  Try to do all the things that you love to do but might not get to do once your baby arrives (but use common sense, a pregnant woman should NOT go skydiving....).

Take belly pictures at least once a month or every other week.  It is really neat to look at them later and watch your belly grow.

Keep a journal (or a blog) of your experiences.  Trust me, it will be hilarious down the road to go back and read what you felt like and what you were going through.  This blog is my attempt to share my experiences with other mothers who might be able to avoid the mistakes I made, sympathize with what we are going through, and help me laugh at the hilarity of it all.  After all, laughter is, as they say, the best medicine.  Just don't laugh too hard or you might be running for the bathroom.